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TEENS UPROOTED - Ways To Help Teens Survive A Family Move
Here's How To Help Your Teenager Survive A Family Move
Relocating a teenager can be like uprooting a mountain. That's because most teens come up with a mountain or objections to budging from town, home, friends, jobs, activities. And no wonder. Teen years are notorious for change-biological physiological, psychological, emotional. The last thing teens hope for is yet another change to cope with.
That's why we offer here proven tactics for helping teens through a move without drowning in tears and fears. Of course, if the move is made easier on your teen, it's easier for you, too. After all, you've got enough work ahead of you without adding mountain-moving to the list. So here are ways to reduce that mountain to a more manageable, movable size. For all teens on the move, including yours, we present this survival guide.
What Every Parent Needs To Know About Teens, Moving, And Survival-Yours and Theirs!
Relocating often spells "D-O-O-M" to teenagers: the loss of friends, clubs, athletics, musical organizations, academic courses, favorite recreation. To them, life may seem to be over! Of course it's not, but that's not easy for a teen to believe. There are things you can say and do, however, that can make their move and your a whole lot more pleasant. Here are six proven suggestions to ensure your entire family survives the move:
Recognize the hardship perceived by your teen. Realize the seriousness of your teen's thoughts and feelings. Leaving friends may seen an unbearable tragedy. Moving may seem to take control of their lives and out of their hands. Listen and talk. Answer all the why's. "Why are you doing this to me?", "Why are you taking this job?" "Why was I born?"
Meet any anger with as much calm understanding as much calm understanding as possible-even try some humor, despite the stress you're under, too. Emphasize "We're in this together." Say, for example, "Let's talk about the sadness and anger we all feel. But after time to grieve, let's find substitutes for those things we'll miss."
Make plans to keep in touch with friends. While the move is still in the talking stage, plan ahead. Arrange for visits back and forth-especially if there's a "forever teen romance in progress. Remind teens (without sarcasm) the telephone works as well across the country as across the street, and suggest the wonders of e-mail. Leave it until later to monitor number and lengths of calls. Don't forget to help plan a going-away party with special friends and take lot's of photos of home and friends to place into a memory book. Include your teen in resettling plans. If possible, let your teen come with you on home finding expeditions. The house choice may focus in part on a school that best meets the teen's interests. Tour schools, parks, social and athletic centers, shopping malls, libraries. Turn the Great Unknown into The Great Beginning.
Re-establish key connections before moving. Armed with brochures, letters newspapers, schools, information from all sources, encourage (but don't push) your teens to find new contacts for their interests before moving day. Help a musician find a new teacher. Follow up leads to other young people who share your teen's interests. Make the school transition as smooth as possible. Before moving, contact the new school for accurate information on transfer of credits, timing and registration, deadlines for joining team sports or dramatics, music or dance groups. Before starting school, give your teen a chance to observe how local teens dress so yours will know how to "dress right" for that important first day at school and plan a trip to the mall if a quick wardrobe update is in order.
Frequent Moving Can Be Tough On Teens
Teenage children are often influential in their parents' decision to accept a transfer, according to a study By Loyola University Chicago.
Teens who move the most are generally more angry about having moved, like the teens at their new school less and fight more with their parents, according to the Loyola Study. These teens have trouble separating from grandparents and extended family, and have more problems finding recreational activities.
In contrast, teens who have input into the decision to move are happier about their move and make an easier adjustment to their new home. Also, younger teens have less difficulty moving than older teens.
The study, "Corporate Mobility: Should Teenage Children In The Home Alter You Mobility Decision?" offers the following advise for parents contemplating a move: Be extremely reluctant to leave a teenager behind when you move. Be sensitive to how often you are asking you teen to move. Include your teen in the decision to move.
Consider the timing of your move.
The best time depends upon your needs and your teen's personality. There are pros and cons to both mid-school year moves and vacation moves. Moving during the summer vacation is most common. It allows teens to finish the academic year without needing to adapt to a different curriculum mid-year. Midterm exams and finals are less stressful when the teen has been at school all year. Also your teen can attend long-awaited end-of-year team, club, political and educational activities and special school trips. The downside of a summer move is the summer itself-long, possibly lonely months spent missing friends and dreading the first day of school. School-year moving has special advantages. An early fall move allows teens to make new friends quickly, before solid cliques have formed. Experts find new kids are often a welcome "novelty" during the spring and friendships can grow. Moreover, spring friendships established in school can help your teen get through the first summer in the new town. Also, some school activities may have a summer prerequisite, such as summer band camp, football or cheerleading practice.
